I was set to watch UFC 137 streaming on my computer like some pimply faced teenaged loser when I got an electronic mail from one of my connections at the UFC. I say this entirely to brag and make myself seem important. Whether it’s accurate is none of your damn business. The short of it: Two tickets have become available for you if you want them. Of course I want them! I was sitting with my dog, Carlos, watching the Game Show Network. Let’s get this shindig going, man! Carlos is a Chihuahua and because of his Mexican heritage and small size, a revolutionary at heart. Me, I’m also a revolutionary. Not quite an anarchist but that’s neither here nor there. I knew I couldn’t bring Carlos but I also knew that I had no other friends in this god forsaken town where dreams go to wander up and down Las Vegas boulevard until someone approaches them and offers them some cheap meth and they say “Why the fuck not?”.
Hello, Icemigos. How was your blah, blah, blah? Yeah and how’s that thing that you do going? Really? That’s interesting. You know how I feel about that. I mean it should go without saying, right?
So with the niceties out of the way let’s get right to the awards! What awards? The first ever SBoI Awards for the week of MMA fights that I saw! “The Iceys®” as they’re called – as of now.
So, it’s been a while. Well, actually there was a “Spilled Bag of Chat” with Team MeatBerry last week. Here’s the link if you missed it.
Thankfully, we had UFC Fight for the Troops 2 on Saturday so I have something to write about… aside from my leaking ceiling, which was fixed supposedly, thanks for asking. We’ll see next time it rains.
So, right… Should I go in order or just wing it? Freestyle. Well, we live in an era of short attention spans, right? I think I read that somewhere on the Internet. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the micro-information, multi-tasking, Attention Deficit Disorder epidemic. Well, obviously you guys read, right? But still… I better keep it moving to hold your attention. I hear weed is good for that. Nick Diaz told me. Or maybe I read it online. I dunno, I can’t concentrate. I think I need some medical marijuana. Are any of you guys stoned right now? Like you. Yes, YOU. Am I freaking you out, man? Okay, my short attention span has expired on this joke… but how about this one. I was wondering why Matt Mitrione did not have his much ballyhooed “Meatstache” for the fight. After all, there was so much talk of it taking over the world (listen to the “Spilled Bag of Chat”!) and it was seen looking ready for war at the weigh-ins the day before the fights. In fact, at the face-off between Tim Hague and Matt, Meatstache looked like it was ready to throw down with Tim’s beard right then and there. And yet, when Matt walked into the Octagon on Saturday night, his face was conspicuously clean-shaven. What happened?! I sure don’t know. I asked Matt on Twitter and have not gotten a reply yet. So, I can only imagine what happened. And when I imagine what happened, it goes a little something like this:
It’s 20 minutes of pure chaos – just enough to blow your mind and leave you wanting more. Before Matt “Meathead” Mitrione and Pat “Hype or Die” Barry fight this Saturday at UFC’s Fight for the Troops 2 in Texas, I knew I had to get them both on the phone and let the MeatBerry Madness loose on the world. I also knew that when it was all said and done, if the world was still standing, it would thank me. You’re welcome.
If you follow the constituent parts of Team MeatBerry [@MattMitrione and @HypeorDie] on Twitter then you know what epic MeatBerry awesomeness is had when these two join forces. And don’t worry, Matt’s Meatstache is still on board! Hopefully, we can get MeatBerry together again with your boy SBoI for more magic when things aren’t so hectic… until that magical day, here’s a taste of MEATBERRY ON THE ROCKS!
Okay, Spilled Bag of Fights… here we go… Aesop Rock on the iTunes, coffee, vanilla cream cookie. Wait. Looks like we could use a refill on the coffee – hold on… Okay. Spilled Bag of Fights. Here we go… I’m writing this fucking thing on Notepad. I’m in exile, you see. No, not exile… I’m a refugee. Did I spell that right? I dunno. Fucking Notepad doesn’t have spell-check. I should just write this in e-mail…
Okay, here we are in e-mail. So, anyway, I’ve very specifically avoided writing much about me, the guy behind the bag, and try to keep it pretty focused on MMA. And since this is ostensibly an MMA wrap-up column, what better time or platform to ramble on about things that have nothing to do with MMA? Such as the fact that my room in my apartment in LA is uninhabitable due to a combination of a leaking roof and a week-and-a-half of straight rain. So, I’m in Las Vegas visiting Moms and unsure what to do next since the landlord seems to think I should pay the same amount of rent for an uninhabitable apartment as one that fulfills one of the basic requirements of a shelter – i.e.: fucking SHELTER! My contention is that if I wanted a leaky, moldy shelter, I could probably fashion one from some plastic and a cardboard box behind the auto parts store. Sure, I’d miss some of my favorite TV shows and MMA but no one would expect rent for it. So, as I wait in Vegas to find out what the response is to my “How about I don’t pay for what I’m not getting?” offer, I sit down nonetheless and write a Spilled Bag of Fights, for you, loyal readers. For you. Now, when I call the column “Phoning It In”, it’s partially because I don’t have much to write about but also a clever play on words since I asked you guys on Twitter what to write about and I put your suggestions and my responses at the end of the column… like you were phoning in… heh?! See what I did there?? eh?
PART ONE: Everything Leading up to…
SO… WEC is no more. I know… I know. Things change and it’s not always easy and it’s not always what you want but sometimes you just have to let it go and just remember the good times because, well, you have no choice. I’ll always remember our last night together, WEC. Even though I knew it was goodbye, I couldn’t wait to see you. Then suddenly, you were there , in my bedroom on my TV as I drank cheap wine and tweeted smart ass comments as if nothing was different and this wasn’t our last night together.
It went by so fast that it was all kind of a blur to be honest. I remember Bart Palaszewski and Kamal Shalorus having a decent scrap and thought it was a close fight. I gave the edge to Bart for more effective striking but I wouldn’t call the W going to Kamal a robbery of the Nam Phan order.
Back when I was a little boy, I dreamed that one day I’d make jokes on the Internet that would make many hundreds of people somewhat amused. Of course, the Internet didn’t exist then so that just proves what a visionary I was. Needless to say, I have made that dream come true. First it was the KOS’d phenomenon. Which you can read up on here if you somehow missed it. Now, I invented TEAM MEATBERRY. I remember it like it was only a couple of days ago…