Spilled Bag of Fights: Free Chael!

First off I want to congratulate Sergio aka @iTzPrimo on Twitter who won the #1 Icemigo award. What’s the #1 Icemigo award? It’s some shit I invented just for Primo because that mofo RTs all my shit and comments on this column all the time. What did Primo win? Well, I don’t want to spoil the surprise for him but it’s either totally awesome or he’s totally getting KOS’d!! Or Maybe a little of both. Ha ha! See, I reward my loyal Icemigos. I’ve spent *$40,000 out of my own pocket giving away shit to people since I started the Spilled Bag of Ice Twitter account way back in February of 2010.  As for my enemies, *I’ve smashed their faces and crushed their souls. I’ve kidnapped their pets, made them love me and trained them to attack their former owners on sight…their children, too.

(*claims may be somewhat exaggerated for dramatic effect)

So, Jon Fitch has gone on Twitter to complain that Nick Diaz getting a title shot against Georges St. Pierre is “bullshit”. His logic being that Diaz didn’t win the belt, he got it because Jake Shields vacated the title when he moved up to middleweight to fight Dan Henderson and until he fights Shields, he’s a “paper champion”. There is so much wrong with this, I’m not even sure where to begin. I’ll start with the fact that I’m always the guy defending Fitch and saying that I think he does try to finish fights and that he probably deserved another title shot.

First off, Fitchy, your last fight ended in a Draw. You don’t give a title shot to a guy coming off a Draw. Second, if you want to argue that Diaz didn’t earn his title, are you going to argue that Shields didn’t earn his middleweight title because he didn’t fight Cung Le? Third, the fact that you got passed up for your rematch for the title has to do with the fact that, fair or not, a lot of people think you’re a boring fighter. You know who thinks Nick Diaz is a boring fighter? NO ONE. Your issue with you deserving another title shot that you haven’t gotten is something you should take up with Dana White and Joe Silva. Instead, you go on the internet and start dissing Nick Diaz because you’ve got a gob full of sour grapes and a sandy vagina. Finally, you’re gonna say Nick needs to beat Shields before getting a title shot? How’s about this: You have to beat Josh Koscheck before you get another title shot. What? You guys don’t want to fight because you’re teammates? Yeah, so are Jake and Nick. So step off, Fitch and quit whining on the Internet like some teenage emo chick. Also for clarity, I should mention that Nick fighting GSP is only a rumor at this point although Diaz did meet with Dana White last week. Fitch having sand in his vagina has also not been confirmed by a gynecologist but the symptoms are certainly consistent.

Let’s move to another controversy of sorts. I think that the judges absolutely made the right decision in giving the win to Chris Cope over Shamar Bailey on last week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter 13. The venerable Lew Polley seems to disagree so I’m curious what you guys think. Yes, Shamar “controlled” Cope in the sense that he held him against the cage for half the fight but during that time, Shamar wasn’t really doing anything other than holding him while Chris was landing dozens of punches to the side of Shamar’s head. Now, the way I see it, if all things are equal you give it to the guy who’s controlling the Octagon but if that’s your main criteria for judging a fight, Lyoto Machida should never have won a decision in his entire career. I’m just saying, control counts for something but so does dozens of strikes compared to hardly any. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?! You’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole.

Hey Ramsey Nijem, impressive win but dude could you wag your junk around somewhere else? Thanks.

So, word is that despite what the California State Athletic Commission (NAMBLA for short) previously said Chael Sonnen may reapply for his license to fight next month. Let me take this opportunity to tell these self-important, power abusing cocksuckers to take the short bus to hell. First off, Chael’s money laundering charge has nothing to do with his career as a fighter. Second, the guy did his time and paid his fine, let him fight… and resume his place as the UFC’s very own Roastmaster.  Feel free to get the revolution started by using this image to show your support of “The Baddest Mouth on the Planet”, Chael Sonnen!

Okay, let’s move on to Bellator 45.  Actually, I’m gonna keep this brief since I was kinda bummed that Daniel Straus and Richard Hale lost and really there wasn’t a whole lot of comedy. Remember, if you want Bellator analysis on the serious tip, check out our own Cole Moorman…just don’t ask him about smoking weed. Haha.

So “Smilin’” Sam Alvey lived up to his nickname and I’m pretty sure he’s constantly smiling because he’s really, really, really jazzed that his fiancée is a model. Besides bleeding like a smiling stuck pig in the first round, Alvey was able to get the decision win in a close fight. No offense to Smilin’ Sam but if he makes it to the finals I really don’t see him standing any chance against Hector Lombard.

Not surprisingly, Patricio “Pitbull” Freire couldn’t stop Daniel Straus. But Straus just didn’t turn up the heat and pressure Pitbull enough to get the W. I read on Straus’ Facebook that he was back in the gym that night and wanted to fight again in a couple weeks. Can’t beat this dude’s work ethic. Nice guy, too.

Rich Hale was doing pretty well in the second and third rounds of his fight with Christian M’Pumbu and it looked like, after a slow start, he might outwork M’Pumbu to a decision victory when Hale got caught with big right. M’Pumbu followed up with a flurry of ground-and-pound to force the stoppage and win the light heavyweight belt.

Anyway, thanks to those of you who indulged in my “help me and Dannyboy Downes get 2,000+ followers” campaign on Twitter. It took creativity, bribery, and hilarity but we eventually got there. So thanks! Since it went largely unnoticed and I thought it was hilarious, please check out the silly little video I made for the cause.

That’s all I got this week. Oh wait!! I heard that Frank Shamrock and Mauro Ranallo got shit canned. Scott Coker got demoted too… Business as usual? We’re suckers, yo!  Anyway, how long before Frank and Mauro turn to a life of crime? I kid, I kid. They’ll be fine… maybe. I dunno.

‘kay. Bye.