Spilled Bag of Fights: Chicken Salad!

“We’re taking Chicken Shit and making Chicken Salad!” –Contemporary Philosopher, Brock Lesnar.

Apparently, Brock is as good at analogies as he is at taking a punch. Oh Snap! Yeah, I went there! I said it! A lot of feelings seemed to be hurt by this comment and Brock’s “clarification” of what he meant was basically to repeat himself. Predictably, this did little to help the issue and his team continued to dab their tears away on their pretty dresses. Metaphorically, of course, since none of them were actually wearing dresses. But it wouldn’t surprise me if some of them were wearing lacy panties under their shorts. Anyway, so far this season of The Ultimate Fighter seems to be filled with a lot of whiny little bitches. “Waaahh! Brock called us chicken shit.” “Waahh! I miss my kid. I’m going home.”  “Waahh. Lew Polley is yelling at me.” Sheesh!

(Original photo courtesy of New Japan Pro Wrestling, with alterations by Spilled Bag of Ice)

Let’s move on to Bellator 41. Daniel Straus took on Kenny “The Tooth Fairy” Foster. That’s seriously his nickname and he kinda looks like a cross between Screech from Saved by the Bell and The Situation from Jersey Shore. Daniel Straus rocking the “Krazy Horse” style dreads really impressed me with his win over Nazareno Malegarie at Bellator 37. Straus is a big, strong featherweight and his wrestling and grappling is top-notch. Straus’ advantage in this fight against Foster, as well as his last fight, is the fact that he doesn’t just go right to his wrestling/grappling strength. He mixes it up with punches, kicks and even a flying knee or two. Add to that unpredictable and versatile style the great cardio and you’ve got a tough grinder that has no problem going three rounds and keeping the pace up throughout. Basically unless you take Straus out, he’s going to outwork you. In the third round in a fight Straus was dominating, he was able to sink in a Guillotine and force the tap – a move that a lot of fighters wouldn’t have the strength to finish that late in the fight. Impressive. We’re gonna have Daniel on MMA Gospel Radio this Wednesday so tune in for that shit. And if you think I’m flattering Straus because he’s going to be on the show, the fact is that I asked him to come on the show because I was so impressed with his performance and his attitude – not the other way around. So suck it, haterz.

(Photos, from left to right: File photo, MTV, and Bellator)

Zach Makovsky and Chad Robichaux had a battle of whose name was harder to spell without looking it up. Robichaux won by Unanimous Decision (me, myself and I all agreed.) Cause come on, if you never saw his name spelled out you’d have a tough time guessing – especially if we told you he was from Texas as opposed to say: French Canada. The other important factor to look at is, of course, nicknames. Robichaux’s nickname is “Robo” which was also the name of Black Flag’s drummer. Makovsky’s nickname is “Fun Size” which I must admit is kinda amusing but maybe a little cutesy for a fighter. They’re both better nicknames than “The Tooth Fairy” or “Christmas”! Hey, if you want technical Bellator analysis our own Cole Moorman does a fine job at that. Okay, right… the fight. “Robo” threw some good knees and did a pretty great job of defending submissions in the first two rounds but he was still losing. In the third, “Fun Size” got “Robo” down, got the mount and flattened him out and started wailing big right hands to the side of the “RoboDome”. I’ll tell you what… those punches weren’t “Fun Size”! No sir! Those were “Family Size” punches, my friends. Okay, I’m done milking that joke.

Speaking of milking jokes, the problem with these Bellator Tournaments is that with the same guys fighting so often, I’ve used my jokes up on a fighter a couple weeks ago. Thanks a lot, Bjorn Rebney! You didn’t take my feelings into account did you? Next thing you know you’ll be calling me chicken shit.

(Original photo courtesy of Bellator, with alterations by Spilled Bag of Ice)

Patricio “Pitbull” Freire, the guy who, along with his brother, has the most original nickname in MMA took on Wilson Reis. I know I used that joke already but goddamn it, it still annoys me. Anyway, cliché nickname aside, Reis didn’t have much of an answer for Patricio who consistently outworked him for the great majority of the fight. Then late in the third “Pitbull” caught Reis with punches in bunches that kept him barely hanging on to consciousness until his chin relented and he dropped like a sack of potatoes. “Pitbull” vs. Straus should be a badass match-up.

Bellator Featherweight Champion Joe Warren fought a non-title fight against Marcos Galvão in a goofy catchweight of 137lbs. I mean why not just go to 135? How about a catchweight fight at 136 ¼?  Anyway, here’s a huge opportunity for a rant on MMA judging but it’s becoming ridiculous at this point. Warren obviously lost the first two rounds and yet not only did he walk away with the Unanimous Decision, one judge gave him all three rounds. Warren believes he deserved the win. Really, Joe? Really?! Because ya didn’t. Ya just didn’t.

MMA Judges: Making Chicken Shit out of Chicken Salad on the regular.

(File photo, with alterations by Spilled Bag of Ice)

Again, don’t forget to tune into MMA Gospel Radio Wednesday at 5:30pm ET/8:30 PT when our guest will be Bellator Season 4 Featherweight Tournament finalist Daniel Straus!