So, the big news this week in MMA was that UFC parent company ZUFFA, LLC. purchased Strikeforce. Surprising, yes. I can only assume that this happened rather quickly since a secret that big doesn’t stay secret very long and no one seemed to have even heard rumors to this effect prior to the deal being announced by Dana White. However, considering the fact that contracts with fighters and deals with Showtime are already in place and Dana’s assertion that it’ll be “business as usual”, I don’t think we can expect to see any real changes or fallout for the immediate time being. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s an eventual merger but I think that’s at least a few years off. Still, I see why it’s a big deal. Zuffa now owns most of MMA – aside from DREAM and Bellator and the much smaller regional organizations. With so few options outside of the Zuffa umbrella can a fighter’s union be on the horizon for the future? I dunno, man… just thinking out loud. I don’t mean to piss off King Dana by any means. Just Nick Diaz needs to have his ADHD medicine (aka: weed) covered by a health care plan, not to mention Diego Sanchez’s face and Brandon Vera’s nose.
(File photo with alterations by Spilled Bag of Ice)
One company that is still not owned by Zuffa is Bellator. Saturday we got to see Bellator 36 as well as an awesome fight from last week’s Bellator 35… but first things first.
Marcin Held and Michael Chandler are two dudes that I honestly never heard of but they had a brawl… well, a Jiu-Jitsu brawl. Throwing the Jits equivalent of haymakers back and forth submission attempts on the ground for the first round until Chandler got the Arm-Triangle Choke. Later Chandler celebrated with his friends down at the Central Perk. Now, write your own Friends/Chandler joke here.
Lloyd Woodard’s nickname is “Cupcake”. Seriously. I don’t know why that’s his nickname but I assume that he’s gotta be pretty confident in his badassness. And after his ass whooping of the formidable Carey Vanier by first round TKO, I’m pretty convinced too. I feel bad that Vanier has to think “Man, I got beat up by a dude named ‘Cupcake’. Damn.” But that’s no ordinary dude named Cupcake. Come to think of it, there may not be an ordinary dude named Cupcake… but I digress. Congrats, Cupcake! You made him feel crummy. ZING! I’m two for two with shitty jokes. Respect!
(Photo courtesy of Bellator with alterations by Spilled Bag of Ice)
I’m a Toby Imada fan. How can you not be? His Inverted Triangle Choke win over Jorge Masvidal at Bellator 5 was the Jits equivalent of Anthony Pettis’ epic “Showtime Kick”. Also I have to say, I think Toby beat Pat Curran. Anyway, Imada made some quick work of Josh Shockley finishing him with a first round Armbar. Unfortunately, I don’t have any bad puns for this fight. Well, I do but they’re so bad that I love you too much to subject you to them. You’re welcome.
Poor “Razor” Rob McCullough. The former WEC Champ was getting his ass thoroughly KICKED by Patricky “I have the same nickname as my brother and Andrei Arlovski and Thiago Alves and about 50 other fighters” Freire in the first round. But then he shows his considerable experience and heart by coming back and coming back strong as Freire seemed to slow down. And then… oh NOES! McCullough gets clipped right on the chin by a big right hand and goes down and it’s all over.
I propose that nicknames in MMA be registered like website names. I also propose that I am the head of this governing body of MMA Nicknames. Someone comes to me with “Pitbull” and they’re gonna get thrown the fuck out. “But I’m the Tampa Bay Pitbull!” “I don’t give a shit! Get the hell out of here you uncreative dolt and stop wasting my time.”
“Send in Mr. Volkmann… ‘Christmas’?? For real?” “Yes, sir. Why is it taken?” “No, who else would want a dumb fuckin’ nickname like that?” “So, I can have it?” “If you really want it and I don’t even wanna know why you do, sure.”
“Send in Mr. Spiritwolf… I like it! Approved!” “But that’s my actual name, not my nickname.” “Oh… well, bully for you, mofo! You don’t need my approval then… but you, sir, got it all the same!”
And that’s how I segue way into the Waachiim Spiritwolf vs. Jaime Jara fight from last week’s Bellator 35 that the people demanded be shown for the sake of sheer, overwhelming awesomeness. Again, how can you not be a fan of a guy named Spiritwolf that fights like that dude? His three round war with Billy Evangelista was the shit and his war with Jaime Jara was even more bloody and epic. This time Spiritwolf was able to pull out a Split Decision victory and deservedly so. WAR SPIRITWOLF! That’s almost as fun to say as WAR CUDDLES! Or… come to think of it, WAR CUPCAKE!
And we’ve come full circle. You like how I did that? Well, leave a comment, you cheap bastards. It’s free.
