Spilled Bag of Fights: 17 Fights & Charlie Sheen

Feast or Famine. Such is life. Such is MMA. I think over the last week there were about 738 fights. UFC on Versus: Kampmann vs. Sanchez, Strikeforce: Feijao vs. Henderson, Bellator 35 aka The Welterweight Tournament, Chicago Cagefighting Championship with lovable Twitter Smartass/Badass Felice Herrig and the venerable legend and fan favorite Jens “Lil Evil” Pulver headlining.  GASP! That’s too much, Billy!! ( From Buffalo 66 http://twitpic.com/4784p3 ) See, now you’re all in on my references. And yes, for the record, I shot that from my TV & uploaded it, just so you would get the reference. I love you that much… Well, either that or I was just procrastinating. Tomato – Tomahto.

So what do I do? Do I focus on a few key fights and ignore everything else or do quick thoughts on everything? Decisions, decisions. Damn, the new season of The Ultimate Fighter is coming up soon and I’ll have that to add to everything else to write about. I need a nap.

Okay. I’ve made my choice. I haven’t done that many lightning rounds. So let’s see how quickly I can knock out all fights including the UFC undercards I saw streamed on Facebook. And then we can all go to lunch… or find a job, sell blood, whatever. Basically, I’m going to (NOT) Live Tweet the fights which I didn’t do during any of the fights on Saturday night because I was busy trying to juggle watching Strikeforce while making sure Bellator was DVRing and at the same time trying to make sure I didn’t miss Felice or Jens’ fights while also making sure to catch at least some of Charlie Sheen’s U-Stream debut. Let’s get that review out of the way first. “Sheen’s Korner” was massively disappointing – not because Charlie wasn’t acting crazy but because Charlie was basically sitting around with his friends/”Goddesses” and saying “Winning!” over and over and reading his own quotes. It was so self-referential and meta that it canceled itself out and became just boring.  Okay, back to mixed martial arts for you mixed martial arts fanatics out there!

UFC on Versus 3: Kampmann vs. Sanchez

Mark Munoz vs. CB Dollaway: Matt Daaaaammmmon!

Thiago Tavares vs. Shane Roller: Just as Joe Rogan sounded like he had his hand in his pants while gushing over Tavares’ superior boxing, Shane Roller knocked him the fuck out – Tavares, not Rogan. It’s the small pleasures that make life worth living.

Joe Stevenson vs. Danny Castillo: Daddy issues. I like both of these dudes. Joe “Daddy” is really racking up the losses lately. Is the axe looming for Joe?

Steve Cantwell vs. Cyrille Diabate: Diabate didn’t put in any effort to win the fight. Not saying he should be reckless in a fight he’s already winning but c’mon. Jean-Charles Skarbowsky you are not, Monsieur.

Brian Bowles vs. Damacio Page: Super Bowles turns a Page. Or how ‘bout Brian Damage. Either way, the one-time champ looked great.

Alessio Sakara vs. Chris Weidman: Joe Rogan also seems to have a boner for Sakara… and it didn’t help him win either.

Diego Sanchez vs. Martin Kampmann: I think Kampmann won. Don’t think it was an epic robbery but I think we can all agree that the new shaved-head, “The Dream” Diego is scary. I don’t mean necessarily as a fighter just something about the intensity and the shaved-head just screams “cult leader”!

Strikeforce: Feijao vs. Henderson

Tim Kennedy vs. Melvin Manhoef: Gotta have a ground game in MMA, Melvin. Especially fighting a veteran like Tim. Just ask Ray Sefo.

Billy Evangelista vs. Jorge Masvidal: I was distracted by Charlie Sheen and/or Felice Herrig. I’m sure it was a fight and Masvidal won.

Marloes Coenen vs. Liz Carmouche: They did a slightly shorter female rendition of Silva vs. Sonnen. Props to both ladies.

“Feijao” Rafael Cavalcante vs. Dan Henderson: Dan hit hard. Mauro not funny.

Chicago Cagefighting Championship

Felice Herrig vs. Andrea Miller: “Lil Bulldog” Herrig beat the snot out of that poor gal for three-and-a-half minutes.

Jens Pulver vs. Wade Choate: “Lil Evil” Pulver fought a smart, technical fight.  Jens apparently broke his foot in the first round, which may’ve contributed to his calculated fight. It was not a barn-burner nor did Choate get steamrolled but I think Jens won every round. Not sure how it was a Split Decision but at least Jens got the “W”.

Bellator 35

Brent Weedman vs. Dan Hornbuckle: Judges, if a guy gets a takedown and then gets clearly, overwhelmingly outworked by the guy on the bottom, he did not win that exchange just because he was on top. I say this because you must think otherwise since that’s the only way you could give Weedman the Unanimous Decision win.

Jim Wallhead vs. Rick Hawn: Hey “Judo Jim” how ‘bout trying some Judo? You’re getting outboxed.

Anthony Lapsely vs. Jay Hieron: Fuckin’ Rosenthal!

Chris Lozano vs. Lyman Good: I would’ve been rooting for Good since he’s from Spanish Harlem and I used to live there on 105^th and 5^th but we had Chris Lozano on the MMA Gospel Radio Show and he was a cool dude. So I had to root for Chris. Chris lost. My rooting  for someone is about as helpful as Joe Rogan’s. Anyway, Lyman is a former champ with almost twice the fights and he was just too much for Lozano but Lozano gave him a good fight for three rounds forcing a decision. Lozano has nothing to be ashamed of.

Alright, how was that? “Post-Live Tweet Style” for when you have 17 fights plus Charlie Sheen to cover. Remember, you can’t complain cause it’s free. Speaking of which, I got some shit to shout out. First, listen to MMA Gospel Radio with me and Gary every Wednesday night at 5:30 PST/8:30 EST.  And check out the archive of last week’s show with 4-0 Heavyweight fighter Stipe Miocic.  Seriously, it was an awesome, funny, entertaining interview.

Also, like, I’ve got some car insurance due. Did you guys know I write and record music in addition to my many other talents? It’s sorta ambient instrumental stuff… downbeat, drum and bass electronic. Give it a listen and if you like it, you can download all eight songs for just $3.99 and you can help your humble servant of snark out. Monkeys with Revolvers!

Thanks, Icemigos!